Dec 29, 2013
|Deciding to become an expat (Short for Expatriate - somebody who has left his or her homeland to live or work in another country, usually for a long period of time without giving up there home country citizenship) and the location you choose to be one in is made for so many different reason, usually personal reasons. The common thread we all have is the experiences of trying to cope in a world that we don't fit in too. At least not at first. If you are lucky you jump into this adventure with a partner from you chosen location who knows the language and can help you understand the culture differences you will encounter.
For me I came to this country alone and struggle to find my way.
That fact was driven home the other day when I stood in the market wondering if the ground meat I was looking at was beef or pork. So I do what many expats before me have done I walked over to the worker asked if she spoke English. She said little, I asked if it was beef or pork and she looked at me like my head just spun around and spit up pea soup. hahahaha so I thought for a moment and than came up with a smart and complex solution to the problem..... I mooed like a cow. hahahahaha It worked, she shook her head yes and I went about my shopping.
There are so many weird and interesting and awkward moments now that I have left the comfort of my home country. I will admit that there have been times when I thought going back to Canada would certainly make my days activities easier but then I think I am not willing to give up all that I am gaining from the bravery to finally live the life I was meant to live.
2 amazing stories from my first 2 months.....
* I usually have a lot of bad talk to myself if I have an accident or make a mistake.
example: I lost the first bus pass I bought when I was in Calgary and just tore a strip out of myself. this happens all the time and usually I am into it before I even realize I have started. I have talked to other women about it. I say if I would not never talk to my nieces this way and would not tolerate anyone else talking to them this way, why would I talk to myself this way?
Some of them admit to the same behaviour and agree they don't talk to anyone else like that.
well yesterday I decided to take my e-reader in to the bath tub and yep I dropped it in. probably predictable :)
the surprise was, I was in shock when I realize I was not yelling at myself. not one single ˝you fucking idiot¨ or ¨how could you be so stupid˝ or ˝what is wrong with you˝ was thought or voiced. I am hoping it will dry out and be useable but really, accidents happen. it is replaceable if need be.
I am proud and a little confused by this change but I am going to work on keeping the change permanent.
* I have been reading and hearing about the abundance theory. There is enough for everyone including me. You have to be open to and let abundance in, to keep abundance coming.
I have grown up in the stop abundance mode. I did not mean to or even realize it but I always preferred to give and I always wanted to make sure others got what they needed before I got (some times, a lot of times, by the time it got to my turn there was none left). 10 years ago in my cancer support group our leader gave us this lesson. if you feel wonderful when you give to others (buy them lunch, flowers, whatever...) than you rob people of the opportunity to feel that wonderful feeling if you refuse to accept from them. I really took it to heart and worked on it but my instinct was still, oh no that is ok you don't have to, really.
well 2 short months can change a lot.......
today I visited the same crystal store here in town (it is the only one that I know of) that I always do. the husband speaks English and he translate to include the wife. I said ˝I am back ˝ as I came through the door. The husband came out of the back and helped me. I was looking for something magnetic. I was thinking a bracelet but I guess I did not explain properly. the man said he did not know if they had any thing and pulled out books, books about crystals. then I went over and picked up a bracelet and asked do you have something like this that is magnets? the husband told his wife (I know long story but there is a great ending. hahaha) who went to a display and brought over about 6 bracelets and started seeing if they would stick to the metal part of a pen, one did. it was 55kunas about $10, the man made this oh noise. (it was a lot more expensive than anything else I had bought) hahaha I said I would take the bracelet. while he was ringing up the sale he and his wife chatted, in Croatian. than after I paid he said it is time you got something for free and walked over to the crystals and dug out the very pretty purple and clear crystal and gave it to me (I have to look it up). I said ˝it is so pretty˝ thanked them and left..........then outside it hit me!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had not even had the instinct to say no. I just took it thank him and walked away happy.
I am open to receiving because on some level I now feel, there is enough even for me and I deserve to get. and that is it.
and I won't apology for wanting. it is not about greed or as Lucy (Charlie Brown) says ˝I want what coming to me, I want my fair share˝
I just feel this shift has happen that I now know there is so much out there for everyone and I am someone.
I still deal with fears of the unknown and wonder how I am going to figure out a visa so I can stay, how I could possible get the money for the home I so badly want and will I ever meet the man I long for but for the most part, I am exactly where I am meant to be in this moment and everything works out for me. And that will carry me forward as I work with my guides and trust my heart.