Day 56 - "Back to the Future IV - the passing of wind"
2 Mar 2012
|Today was "one of those days" as the saying goes!!
We arrived in Wiener Neustadt yesterday (Thursday)and gotthe receptionists back up, from the off. The poor lady was trying to tell us where to park the van - but Hannah had other ideas... the arguement seemed to go on for ages... everytime the lady behind the desk suggested something Hannah would go "ermmmmm - hmmmmmm - but we parked here last time!" Me and Luke looked on in disbelief and embarrassment - it probably wasn't the same woman! The journey was just as traumatic, me being told how the situation was all too "stressful" - didn't have to be!
My room wasn't ready when we got back - unfortunately the van had to bbe parked in a free spot about ten minutes walk away - which is great... adding more time to our call and therefore to my alarm clocks earliness!
The guys had been here within the first week or two of them starting back in October - and I had been told non-stop that this was THE PLACE! Good hotel, free internet, nice town and (I quote) "the best bar I've been too!" So obviously I had high hopes for this place... we'll come back to whether my expectations were met.
Me and Luke headed straight out for some scran... this town of many bars and restaurants was letting us down - we couldn't find anywhere and when we did they were all shut! Eventually "Maximillius" offered us just what we were after... a couple of beers and a huge, tasty spag bol! Along with our usual topic of conversation. We followed this by a stroll around town and a good half an hour or so pratting around in the local toy shop, me donning a Darh Vader mask and light saber and Luke having his picture taken with the model animals - which over here have 'to scale' if not a little generous, genitals.
Back at the room, the first of the expectations were shattered. Dirty looking room and a shower that clogged so I would be stood in my own filth and that of the past three or four inhabitants! I was only stood like this for a minute or two however - any longer with the shower on and the small bathroom was transformed into a wet room, whether it had the capability or not!
SO... although it was a school night - Luke was desperate to revisit the Irish bar he loved so much - I wasn't really up to it to be honest but I went along... It was bloody shut! We did however find a nice bar in the town square where we had a couple along with a decent natter, before being joined by some of the others - I called it quite early though.
This for me was a cracker, starting off with a superb show. The "owrd of the day" I'd given to Luke was "Flux Capacitor" from the Back to the Future films - all he has to do is slip it into the show somewhere, without wrecking a scene or putting someone else off so much that it ruins it for the audience. i can't remember how, but he got it in, quite early... Tosin however picked up on it and started dropping in other BTTF references such as "Great Scott" and "McFlyyyyy" - That was it, we were off. The whole show had a BTTF theme. Mine included; "Chicken - nobody calls me chicken!" "Manure... I hate manure!" "8:25am" "giggling gigowatts" "Enchantment under the sea dance" and "The power of love". It may seem like a strange thing to do - but we needed something like this... the atmosphere today onstage and off was great - strange what a silly game can do... things for me were about to get even funnier though.
Now I shall take a second to explain something to you, concerning a somewhat vulger matter... When it comes to breaking wind.. I like to keep it to myself unless I'm in the company of certain people - I'll go outside or to the loo. i can't just let them out and then deny all knowledge like some people do. Just as I was about to go on for the death scene Luke said "You need to ask if Mona has 'voided her bowels'"
"No I can't" I protested "we'll crack up!" Me and Luke already had in fact and we were trying our best to mask our backstage laughter. I delivered my off stage lines through gritted teeth and smirks but just as Tosin came off to fetch me, I caught a final glim pse of Luke, who burst out laughing again, prompting me to do the same. Unfortunately as I tensed my body to stop the laughter my body revolted and popped out one of the smallest examples of flatulence I've ever heard. It was literally a pop. Now - the laughter changed... from that of joing and banter to extreme, face reddening embarrassment. I entered the scene doomed to fail... I was gone. I just couldn't get control of myself. Everytime I'd stumble a line out and think I was back on track I'd think of what had just passed (quite literally) or hear Luke giggling backstage and it would set me off again. THANKFULLY... as it's a high stakes, emotional scene, I was able to get through it, almost as if in tears. That was until Tosin making one of "his choices" fell to his knees in front of me. In character I try to help him up and as he's clambering up my arm he lets out a disgusted "That stinks" under his breath! End of scene - we're both laughing so much we are hunched over the corpse, heads down unable to speak. Eventually he got his last line out and I fled the 'hotel room'.
THE AUDIENCE LOVED IT!!! It was the biggest round we've had, with loads of people whistling and cheering - the kids enjoyed the references (we explained our game afterwards and asked if they knew the theme - which they did)and obviously relished in our enjoyment of the show. It could have gone the other way of course!
That night we met up with the other tour (minus Tosin who had gone away for the weekend) in an unused restaurant/smoking room on the first floor of the hotel... this was to become our den for the weekend. David taught us a drinking game called "F*ck*d" which after playing it - I can see how it got the name.
In short, each player is dealt or picks a card as you go around the circle. If the value or suit matches either of the players next to you, you have to drink for the number of seconds on the card (picture and aces being worth 10). Problem is... say if I draw the 6 of hearts and the next person the four of hearts and we've done our respective forfeits... if the next person draws a 4 or another heart we all have to drink again because we're all still linked. If there are 6 people playing and some poor bugger draws and Ace of spades, and every one else draws a spade that round, that's a minute of downing a drink already - F*CK*D INDEED!!
We then moved onto my favourite drinking game "Ring of fire" and this version had some good rules that differ from the ones I use... these new ones shall definitely be adopted in the future. The fun and games that followed were brilliant. We only played one round before heading out... after I'd tidied up the room a little. Tonight was the night we hit the Irish bar - and although I had a good night with the guys, had I not been two sheets to the wind, I wouldn't have thought much of it. I was however in great company...
Rosie was being hit upon by some Austrian guy who I don't think she valued in the same way... so ever the hero I stepped in, dropping some not so subtle hints that she was my girlfriend. A mouthed "Thank-you" followed. The rest of the evening (this guy and his mates not really catching on) was spent calling Rosie "Babe" a word I detest. It also led on to me (spotting a game) adopting Luke as my brother Arthur, Hannah as his wife Stacey, David was another actor called Mac and James was the producer I think - although I forget his given name! The Austrian drunken folk are too easy to fool! Not soon after this I called it a night - not wanting to over do it. What a great night - Luke agreed... he'd gone back to speak to Debbie on Skype, because she was out for her Birthday back at home but unfortunately her friend had been sick everywhere in their house and brought the proceedings to an early end... whilst skyping he told Debbie to "excuse" him as he stood up, walked to the loo and threw up. Ironic eh?!?!
I made the most of the first TV channel I've been able to watch in three months other than American news show. BBC entertainment... God knows why we don't have this at home... it's just re-runs of Dinnerladies and weakest link and other such programmes... DOCTOR WHO was a particular treat for me. I ventured out to Billa, mainly just to replenish my alcohol stocks. Yes.... after cooking a quick dinner on my stove... more "RIng of Fire" was to be played. Tonight two rounds, with more revealing stories from everyone and some daft new rules. Hannah (it would have to be) introduced the taking your clobber off rule - to which she fell foul on many occasions... I was the only person fully clothed by the end of the night. Thankfully there were more videos and photos taken so the evening is well catalogued, from me and Rosie re-enacting the final scene from Titanic in Chinese accents and Rosie's impression of "Brum" the little car. It was a mad night - but I managed to stay quite sober in comparison to the other naked lot. We were however asked to keep the noise down and eventually told to leave - how dare they violate our HQ!! Hannah didn't make it out with us that evening - The cries and wailing coming from the toilet as she brought back the evenings consumption, were clue enough we wouldn't be seeing her again!
So me, James and David hit the town - I hadn't planned to, but as I was quite sober, why not eh?!?! We found a couple of decent places and I was aquainted with a lovely girl, who wanted to taste the different drinks I'd drunk that night... according to her the only possible way of doing this was through "mouth to mouth - saliva exchange!" Well I mean.... the lads were egging me on and I am a guest in her country! ;-)
SUNDAY: Thankfully I remained in my semi-sober state for the rest of the evening, which I was pleased about as... it meant I was up and about (without that sickly feeling) quite early to cram in some more BBC good stuff. At six, we all met again in the den, to eat a roast!! An actually ROAST DINNER - on a Sunday, which David had slaved away over all day. We all chipped in €3 and had a fantastic meal!! I provided the pud, which went down just as well, apricot sponge and custard. Afterwards we all sat around playing UNO (which I brought from the toy shop on Thursday) and card games before any early bed time. We'd all felt pressured to get p and leave when a member of staff came in and started washing up all the glasses and tidying bottles we'd dumped in the kitchenette. Me and James however hung around for a little longer... He had this bar trick, where three matches had to be balanced standing together, like a wigwam. It must've took us about an hour or more to get them to balance - we were determined... and after all that the bloody trick didn't work!
Wiener Neustadt isn't my favourite place. The others came here at the start beofre everything went tits up so for them it's held dear. For me though, after weeks of glorious towns and luxurious spa hotels it doesn't rank too highly. HOWEVER, thanks to the company, the goings on and our "Actors Den" - it will be forever li nked with lots of funny and fond memories - some of the best i've had on this tour!