|(Carolyn’s taking over the author duties today)
My heart has been heavy lately. I’ve been thinking a lot about my Mom and most of the thoughts have been ones of concern & sadness.
A little background for you: Mom was a farmer’s wife for 47 years. We lost Dad to a massive heart attack in 1998. Since then Mom has continued to manage the farms by herself, she is involved with numerous church activities and has a social calendar that is booked! Let’s just say that there’s no moss under her feet :)
Over the years she has had minor health issues, one of which was kidney problems. The doctors have monitored it for years with no progression of the disease, but recently that has changed. At the end of April she was notified that she would have to go on dialysis – the kidneys were only operating at about 15%. A couple of days later she went into the hospital for outpatient installation of a chest port. During that procedure, her heart stopped. Yes, that’s right – she was quite surprised when she woke up and found all these nurses and doctors hovering over her. Due to this new development, she had to have a pacemaker put in and was admitted to the hospital for several days. Once dismissed from the hospital, she was put on a regiment of dialysis three days a week for four hours each day. Since she can’t drive after the treatments, someone must take her back and forth to the hospital which is 30 miles away.
So my concern has been the abrupt and lasting change in her independence; and the fact that she is now vulnerable to the devastation that this disease can cause. In other words, I’ve been feeling sorry for her. So yesterday when I was listening to a podcast sermon from our home church (Sun Valley Community Church) about “Embracing the Storm”, God revealed how I need an attitude change! We all are caught in a storm (or two) at some point in our lives and normally we take a path which leads to questioning God’s love and mercy. We feel abandoned and alone; and ask “Why me, God” or in this case “Why, my Mom?” But God hasn’t abandoned Mom. He’s right there with her every minute of every day holding her close; and giving her the assurance that she is not alone, ever!
This disease has not defeated her, nor will it. She has a super positive attitude and is taking one day at a time. She has a neighbor who faithfully gives her a ride to the hospital; and a daughter who goes out of her way to pick her up at the hospital and take her home. She has friends that check in with her every day to make sure that everything is OK; and comforts her when it isn’t.
So what’s my problem??? I guess you could say that I haven’t embraced the storm. I haven’t placed my trust in God. I didn’t take comfort in knowing that Mom has been provided with a lifejacket and that she’s not alone in the boat. Now that I’ve learned the lesson, the peace in my heart has returned. I can be there for Mom when she needs me, but I’ll never be able to save her. That’s already happened – Jesus is her Savior!
I love you, Mom.