Time for a decision, and then a visit to Nicole's office.
Jun 22, 2011
|Woke up today, feeling really confused about what I should do. I am really ready to be at home, and do not really want to do the next term here. Even though I will not be eligible for an Age Pension until next February, I am feeling that I need to get out of here, before I end up hating it.
I guess one of the main things is that I am feeling really lonely at the moment. My little Cruz is growing up so fast, the kids are building a house, and I just feel that I am missing out on too much by being here longer than I need. And here, I spend so much time at home, that it is not funny. Part of the reason, at the moment, is the weather. It is so hot, and I do not want to go out. But another thing is the lack of friends to hang out with. Greg is away in Baoji, John has a girlfriend, so I see almost nothing of him, and Blue Sky is very busy with his job, likewise Rony, and his new job. And of course, Cheer has his own family now, and his life is different too. And I know that they would feel terrible if I was to tell them this, but that is how it is.
My big concern is that Cheryl has booked her holiday here, for October, and I cannot let her down. But I decided to ask Nicole if I could leave my things here, until October, and come back with Cheryl, then stay on, and get packed up, spend some time with the students, and then head off.
I was feeling pretty confused, and thoughts were running around and around in my head, so I decided that I needed to talk to someone, and get some of the thoughts clear. I sent an email to Barb and Andy, asking them to log into Skype, when they saw my email, but not knowing if they were even at home, when I saw Greg online, I called him.
We had a good chat. He is a good listener, and was totally understanding about my position. Between us, we decided that the best thing was to go and talk with Nicole, and see what my options were.
In the meantime, I had had a call from Barb, so when I finished talking to Greg, I called her back, and told her what I was thinking about. She said that she was not at all surprised, as in fact she and Andy had been thinking that maybe I would not feel up to going back. They can read me so well!!
Anyway, I got a shower, and got dressed, and headed out to meet with Nicole. She was already expecting me, as I had said that I would come to her office at 5pm, with two passport photos, for the resident permit renewal. She had the contract ready, signed by Mr Zhang already, but I asked her to put it aside, as I wanted to talk to her about my status.
She was totally understanding, and was quite OK about me leaving my things in the apartment until October. I think it was just such a relief, that tears ran down my face. She asked me not to cry, and I tried to laugh, and told her that I was not really crying, it was just that my eyes were leaking. Anyway, I left her office, feeling a bit shaky, but much more settled and sure of what my plans are.
So now, I just have to see Cheryl online, and update her, on my plans. At least we will still have a good time, with our travel.
Later in the evening I did see Cheryl, and talked with her. She is happy that I will be home earlier than previously planned, and of course also pleased that we will travel together when she comes to visit in October.
While I was talking to Cheryl, I had a call on Skype from Greg, so I rejected the call, but sent a message to say that I would call back as soon as I was free.
When I called him, he was very happy for me, to know that my plans will be able to go ahead, and this means that as the apartment is mine until I leave finally, it means that he will still be able to stay here, when he comes down from Baoji.
But, he had had some very distressing news this afternoon. A friend from the US, who Greg worked with, some years ago and stayed in touch with, had gone home to the US on holiday, and passed away some days ago, from a massive stroke. That in itself is very sad, but the fact that he was only in his early thirties is even worse. Greg told me that he had spent quite a lot of time this afternoon, composing a letter to send to Benjamin's parents, expressing his condolences.
When I got to bed, it was later than it should have been, given that I have an 8am class tomorrow. And what is so very frustrating is the fact that I simply could not get to sleep for ages. I thought I would have found it easy to sleep tonight, with a big load off my shoulders, but that was not to be.