Return of the idiots! travel blog

Two new HELLS ANGLES????

Koh Lanta's Number one Bikers

Our Bunglow at Southern Lanta Resort

View from Room

Beach fromt at Southern Lanta Resort

Southern Lanta Resort

Been here for 8 days. Staying at Southern Lanta Resort for $28pn plus breakfast - much more in high season of course. We've got a stand-alone bungalow, one back from the beach. Really nice little house surrounded by lush gardens. Our resort seems to be the hot spot for bogan Swedes with babies. Nasty I know but everyone (not the babies ) has multiple tatts, but I mean the really ugly variety - eagles claws over the shoulder, daggers (with dripping blood) up the calf etc - and that's the girls!! On our second day, after walking around for several hours in the heat and humidity and as there is no public transport on the island, Peter hired a 125cc motor bike for the week.....he's been threatening to do this for years but as he's never ridden before seemed like a stupid idea to start, particularly in Thailand. I was wrong! It's been fantastic although I'm sure we attract snigger's from the locals. We always wear our crash hats, long sleeved tops and proper shoes - absolutely no one else does - just imagine two fat old farts, fully kitted, me bear hugging Peter, pottering along on a tiny weeny bike at 20kms!!! Bloody hilarious, particularly the first time Peter tried a u-turn (unfortunately in front of witnesses) and twisted the accelerator the wrong way, making the bike buck and go screaming off down the street, churning dust, with me yelling "Fuuuuuck" and poor Peter trying to get the beast under control. He's got much better I'm happy to say. Nobody drives fast here, still lots of weaving in and out but as it's slow it's mangeable. We've been all over the island which is only 22km long and 8km across but very diverse, jungle, posh resorts, wide sandy beaches, rubber plantations, stinking rubbish filled swamps etc. Even saw monkeys yesterday. The island doesn't have street food vendors (I suppose 'cos most of the customers are tourists) but we've managed to sniff out 2 good seaside cafes. Most of the beaches are great although the rubbish surrounding the hotels/bars/shops yet to be opened is horrendous, great piles of plastics, coconuts, bottles etc. Seems each enterprise cleans only that section of beach which fronts their business and as it's not high season yet, not all places are open. Pity really. As regular readers of my blog will know, I was blessed with a Japanese bum, that is I get, at best, a 30 second warning of needing the loo. Yesterday (after receiving said 30 sec warning) I hurried back to our bungalow to find the cleaners had inadvertently locked the bathroom door. I stayed in the house doing my best to control myself (whining and gasping helps) while Peter ran to the cleaners a few doors away indicating the impending crisis. The usual confusion ensued, eventually a lady came with a huge bunch of keys which she started trying - all 50 of them it seemed. Meantime, I'm at the point of no return and was edging into a corner with a plastic-lined waste paper bin, groaning and sweating. Poor woman finally got the door opened, saw me pulling my pants down over the bin whilst trying to hide behind the curtain (well - a girl's got to have some privacy!!!). She yelled out "Ohhhh Mama!" - oh Mama indeed - I luckily didn't use the bin but it was a close thing. Meanwhile my trusty partner was laughing tears, slapping his sides and having a great time. The cleaners were the only people showing any concern. Saw them again this morning and we all had a huge laugh, them particularly. Sure that tale will do the rounds. Ah well.....

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