Round the world in 193 Days - The Kelly Lang Experience travel blog

Ready to ride

Napkin bandanas - check

The real Dominican Republic

Let's grind some coffee

Deep in the jungle

Blue beach

My beautiful lady

Me, also beautiful :-)

Satisfied after some solid negotiations with the locals

Professional photo, by Kelly Lang

I swear that it's always like the first time we ate together...

After dinner shot

A sight for sore eyes

Me and my baby

Makeout session! Oh yeahhhh

Let’s take it to the jungle. Today was our ATV off road experience and I was excited. The precursor to this late afternoon excursion was, as you can imagine, sun, sand and food so by the time 2:50pm rolled around, we were ready to rumble. We took a well air conditioned van with a handful of guests from other resorts and made our way to the tour starting point. On the way, our fellow resort goers told us about the massages they had had at a small beach hut just a stones throw from their hotel. Apparently it was a little more. . . involved shall we say. They masseuses at their place skipped the pleasantries of a changing room altogether. Additionally, the one guy told me (right in front of his wife) that his masseuse was kind enough to include a full on balls massage. I remember thinking, “hmmph, how do you like that.”

We finally arrived to the buggy and quad filled yard of ATV Adventure Tours. While most folks bought 5 dollar bandanas, Helma handed me one of the two dining napkins she had snagged from the World Café that morning. Total savings – 10 bucks. We mounted our steeds and took off down the mud filled road to glory. First stop was a little tent on the side of the road where they made Dominican coffee, chocolate and cinnamon. It all smelled delicious but I thought it unwise to buy anything since customs would probably just take it away and send it back to these folks to sell to another unsuspecting tourist. We went on to a local swimming hole and honestly I would have liked to see some bluer water. The locals didn’t seem to mind but Helma and I were hesitant to take a dip. The fact that the many adolescent boys in the water had eyes as big as saucers when the caught a glimpse of Helma didn’t make our final decision to abstain a difficult one.

The tour rolled on and after seeing goats, cows, donkeys and some amazing scenery we arrived at the crown jewel of the tour, the Blue Beach. When you talk about the Caribbean you talk about this beach. It was beautiful. After a cool dip and a short session of Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition shots, we took to the sand and brought one of the vendors to her knees to score some sweet Dominican beach apparel. We motored back to the starting point, but shortly before we arrived my ATV sputtered to a halt. The guide came back and made some mechanical adjustments and it started up again for a short time, only to fail once more. Then, to my surprise, he told me to wait where I was and then left with the group. After a few minutes they were just a cloud of dust in the distance. As she pressed on with the group, Helma’s mind began racing with thoughts of me being robbed, murdered and stashed in the lush vegetation. Luckily, I kept a cool head and after a few minutes started that b*tch up again. I tore down the dirt road to catch up with the group, catching air and splashing through the mud at breakneck speed. It was a blast. I was quickly reunited with my lady and soon after we headed back to the homestead.

Dinnertime! We decided on Italian and it turned out to be a good choice. I saw the words “chicken” and “marsala” in close proximity to each and without reading the description, ordered the dish. It turned out to be something other than the chicken marsala my wild imagination had misconstrued it to be, but luckily I had ordered a side of pesto pasta which was outstanding. Thirty minutes later, I was all Italianed out. So, in true Lang style, I ordered dessert.

Since I am an Aqaurius and enjoy sunsets, reading and long walks on the beach, I took Helma on a little after dinner stroll in the sand. We hung out on the beach for a while but then were overcome with thoughts of what dangers lurked in the dark and we headed back to the room. We watched a movie about people who can switch gender by having an orgasm (seriously) and then hit the hay.

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