ya, i have been totally ignoring you for awhile. but it only means that I'm having way too much fun/I'm way too lazy to walk to the internet cafe. Yes things are not as easy here in Belize, as in CANADA where you are. We do not have our own PERSONAL computers in our PERSONAL homes, connecting us to the world wide web! HERE, one must travel GREAT distances in the HOT sun and sit in a VERY HOT box of a room with many HOT computers and its HOT. So i do my best, i really do. thanks so much for hanging in there. i know it must be hard, not knowing about all the great things i am doing but we all must accept the challenges life presents us with. Am I RIGHT? yes i am.....
I think last time i talked to you, we were visiting Guatemaya and doing a bit of touristism. That was fun for awhile, and it was good to spend some quality time with our friends Aisha and AARon. I got to know them a lot better throughout that trip and i definitely made some progress in my friendship with Aisha. I had been craving an opportunity to connect with her and i hadn't been able to do that when it was all 7 of us living in a three room house. (its weird i know, you must think, how could i have not gotten to know her when we were always in the same room?) But the smaller group really allowed us all to bond and i also did some healing with Devon and through our misunderstandings i think we both have gained a greater understanding for ourselves and each other!
That brings me back to when i Went to church with some kids i met in Hopkins town. I'm not sure if i mentioned it, but i had a very neat time. As some of you may know i don't think i had ever been to a church congregation before that. And i prolly would never have gone if it hadn't been a fun black church that i got asked to attend by some really nice, polite children!
Yes i WAS the only white person in the church, and although i was the center of attention as i walked through the door and up the aisle to take a seat, i think i was soon forgotten once the procession got agoin and the preacher got a preachin. Now, i don't mean to offend anyone with my personal views, but going into this i knew that i might not see eye to eye with the whole religion thing. I do not consider myself an atheist (anymore) because i don't really know what atheism entails. I have strong beliefs that i had thought were quite different from anything the bible had in store. I believe in the power of Mother Earth and Bacteria and Mushrooms. I believe that although science may be able to describe and explain an event i do not believe they can explain Why it happens! In saying this i do not believe we need to ask why because we already know the answers [for example: and i just came to this realization yesterday, when i was sitting in a tree branch overhanging the river. Take the whole, seeing white light when you die thing. Everyone knows, thanks to modern science, that when you die your brain releases DMT or some other chemical, and as a result one sees white light. REmember the saying "Don't go into the Light" yadda yadda. BUT what i realized was that sure you can scientifically explain that phenomena, but that does not mean that that light is not GOD or the kingdom of heaven or wutever, you know. We are surrounded by the magic of the universe. Even stars, for hundreds of years people had to use their imagination to explain wut they were and how they got there. And as a result there were many different legends and myths that saw the stars as mystic and quite often to do with spirits and the gods. People saw the stars as higher beings, and although we can look at them now as perfectly ordinary Balls of fire stationed periodically throughout our galaxy, whats not to say that they ARE the spirits of the dead or heavenly beings looking down upon us? I guess what im getting down too is that even if we know what happens or what something is, the reason for its being may be something abstract and much bigger than we can imagine. There are Many magical things on and around this planet, Miraculous occurrences do happen, and they are just as special even if science can explain it all to the nines].
Life is for enjoying, and we were created to enjoy it, AND all Mother Gaia has to offer. I have somewhat of a opinion on the way the bible is portrayed and understood due to the history of organized religion. So, i went into this situation (and by that i mean church), with an open but skeptical mind. I didn't know the words to the songs they started singing but i got up outta my chair and danced about with everyone else. All the ladies were dressed up real fine. The woman next to me had on a beautiful long flowing dress that i complimented her on once the procession gave out. And all the people around me (excluding a young man i had just met on my way to, who i guess was just too cool) had their arms up and were Amen-ing away and singing their hearts out! I felt the spirit of god then and there. He felt good yes he did and everyone was living in the moment and they were happy. Then the preacher stopped the singing and he got right down to good ol fashion preachin and spreadin that there word o GOD! He talked a lot about the shepherd and his sheep and that we were all sheep when it came right down to it. And as sheep, although we may want to deny it, we want to follow a shepherd. Now the preacher was sayin that in his time, Jesus (praise his name) was a good shepherd, and he never lead his sheep/followers astray from the path of righteousness. Now in his absence, we must look to our preacher as our shepherd and follow him as he speaks the word of Jesus for us. And i think his point was that you cant go around following other sheep cause they will accidentally or purposely lead you astray. Instead you got to got to have FAITH in your shepherd and have FAITH in your lord and savior. Now throughout this part i was listening to what he had to say. And i tried to convert his message of "have faith in god" to "have faith in the universe", which is where my personal faith lies. So with this method of adapting his words of god to words of the universe i was able to better take in his message. I realized that my way of thinking and my system of belief is very connected with what Jesus was tryin to convey. But you know, in my humble opinion, the bible and the preacher thing actually confuses people from realizing that they ARE God! And that life comes from this earth that we walk upon. this earth that provides for us everything we need and more! That is where the connection is for me. It is true that "God is all around us", "Earth is all around us"!
ANYWAYS the real point of my story is that after the preacher got through with his point of following your shepherd, He started talking some real words of wisdom. He started talking about how when faced with a misunderstanding (sometimes resulting in a breaking down of friendships and relationships in general), We must NOT let this misunderstanding separate us! We must use this as an opportunity to better understand the individual or individuals that we are misunderstanding. He had an example of a preacher and his church. the preacher was preachin to a small group of believers at first, but as his fame spread, more people came to join his church. it got to the point where the new comers were nearly outnumbering the original congregation. And some of the members of the original group took this badly saying they just wanted a small private church and that the preacher was letting too many people join. But the preacher said that, as he was preachin the word of god, how could he turn people away from the light. No, as a preacher it was his goal to touch as many souls as he could and he planned to keep adding new comers to his church. Now there arose a misunderstanding between the original congregation and their preacher. But instead of sending hate towards the new comers and towards the preacher welcoming them, the people of the original congregation must make a choice within themselves about whether they would like to stay true to their preacher as he continues on to preach to a bigger and bigger church, or to break off and find a smaller church where they can get the closeness and more intimate preaching atmosphere that they desire. And in doing so, they can better understand themselves and their preacher and maybe make some new friends along the way.
I don't know exactly how this fits in with his message, but maybe you get the gist. Instead of letting misunderstandings separate us, try to work through them, and communicate, and you will end up with greater understanding and get to know the person you were coming to odds with, a little better!
So that's what happened to me and Devon in my opinion. As with anyone you live and travel with, you will come to odds at times and maybe risk being separated over a misunderstanding. I'm really happy that we managed to get past our misunderstandings, I deff understand him more and our relationship has really improved!
So before i broke off into that tangent i believe i was saying that my trip to Guatemala was great. But I'm way glad to be back in belize.
Since i got home to Soccutz, things have been going pretty smooth(mostly). Mom had moved things around a bit and when i walked through the door i really noticed that things had a way better flow! she had simply moved one of our pieces of furniture and shifted the library over a few feet and WHAM our living room was way more open and our sitting area was more intimate and better! While in Guatemala i found a art store called La Cultura and bought a few pots of acrylic paint. I was really pumped about this because i have been wanting to paint since i left Canada and stupidly did NOT invest in some supplies before i left (well in reality i had planned to but lacked the energy and the time). I also found some pretty carved wooden salad tongs (a spoon and fork set, maybe tongs is not the right word), that zigzag up the handle and have a snakes head at the end. I was happy to get and give them to my mom, because we really had never, in my memory, had a set of nice salad tongs that weren't plastic and here we had none at all! So that was nice.
I have been a bit anxious about Hayley's visit, just because for the first time in a long time i had to actually do some things. In case you do not know who Hayley is, she is one of my good good friends from Winnipeg and she is coming down HERE in like a week!!
Its very exciting, but now i have a deadline to my coma of timeless ness and i have to pay attention as the days slip by. I am planning on buying a cell phone this weekend and setting it up so that when i venture off alone to meet Hayley my love in CANCUN, MEHICO, that she will have a way of getting a hold of me! And that will give my mom a way of reaching me too, so i think it will be a good investment!
I'm going to take Hayley to the islands when she gets here. That's the way i started off my trip to Belize and it was a good way! My mom and Devon (who has never been to the islands YET) also want to join us. So maybe we will be able to join up and take a sailboat cruise to the different reefs and get some good snorkeling in!!! I have not yet seen the reefs but was amazed just at the beautiful fish etc that i saw snorkeling at "the split" on the tip of Key CAULKER. NOT gunna lie, I'm excited!
Unfortunaly, though, we had to say goodbye to our new friend Aaron, who i had shared so many good times with, last night. He had his cousin's wedding to attend in Florida and Had to return to work for the summer in BC. Everyone was a bit sad last night but we will just have to stay buzy belly dancing to keep our minds in the present!
And that is what we have been doing.
I think i mentioned that my mom and Evan met this really awesome family at the San Ignacio market a few weeks ago. Well since then, we have been to their house for a yummy barbecue and left with good feelings. And NOW we have returned and have been welcomed so gracefully into their home. (i cant get over the fact that i meet the most wicked people and that they all want me to live with them! How fucking lucky am I?) . Ive just been having such feelings of goodness and contentment with life. I'm on the path of love and well on my way to achieving my personal legend, whatever that may be. In the past few days i admit that i have been having fleeting moments of anxiety, about getting my shit together to meet Hayley, and impatience, because i have a craving for land of my own that i can work and put love into. I realize that I'm destined to be a land owner and a gardener of natural growing techniques. I dream of looking out, over my own land and watching my crops grow and my love spout up in the form of nutritious food! Of course you already guessed that while I'm doing this, I'm seated comfortably in the saddle of my personal riding horse that i have a special bond with. And in the background my cows are mooing and my chickens clucking. The sound of beneficial insects is thrumming and the song birds are singing their heart out from the tall trees that grow everywhere and the lush rain forest that rises up to the sky on either side of the clearing where i grow my food. That is my paradise, OH YES!
There are many things i will do before that particular dream is realized. One of them being, BELLY DANCING. I have never imagined myself as much of a dancer, and i certainly havent been day dreaming about the travelling belly dance troup that i am now a part of. But fuck man, last night Aisha, who has been dancing since she was young and has found bellydance as her form of expression a number of years ago, and Jessica, who is part of the wonderful family that we have joined up with, were shakin our hips and jingling about in our pretty dangly waist wrap thangs and WOW it was amazing. Its fucking hard also, let me just mention that. We were sweatin it out for True last night and im totally sore today. Both Jessica and Aisha are beautiful Belly dancers and are very encouraging on my part. Im getting the hang of it and having a blast. Last night we videotaped ourselves just playing around and it looks totally cool. We have it in mind to take our talents (once we get some practice in and work out some routines) to make some cash by entertaining at the many hotels etc that you find all across this country. Wish us luck ;)
So on top of being a stellar dancer, Jessica is a well rounded fighter who has studied in various forms of martial arts and regularly trains with her husband Don. Don also is well learned in various forms of martial arts, there is one in particular that he is dedicated too although the name escaped me at the moment. Dokado Ryu or sumthing. So i think it was he who instructed Jessica quite a bit but she was a fighter before they met for true! They have 3 kids, all under the age of 9 i believe, that are home schooled and good with swords. I still suffer from my original encounter with their eldest son when we had a sword battle. He won.
Don is a great cook who loves to make food and is an intelligent guy with some good stuff to say. Another thing i look forward to doing is studying with him, and learning some good self defense methods as well as getting practice channeling energy and improving my focus. Then i will be ready to study under Winsom. Who practices voodoo magic (which is a form of natural magic that originated either in the Caribbean or Africa, or both) and told me upon saying goodbye after our first meeting, "you know what you are don't you? You are a Seer". She held my hands as she said this (after telling me that she didn't touch other people let alone shake their hands, due her sensitivity to energy and the exchange of which that takes place during human contact) and looked right into my eyes. So how could i not be curious. She had a good presence and a powerful air about her. As i plan to continue on my path as a healer, i think that she could help me improve my skillz and gain confidence in myself, maybe show me a few tricks here and there, you know.
but for the moment, i am content to focus on belly dancing and i know that everything will fall into place at the correct time. I do not worry about a thing. I have faith that Im following my life path and my heart and that I am always in the right place and the right time no matter what is happening around me. I know Everything that happens to me happens for a purpose, even if i am unable to see it at that time, and that nothing is bad, because everything is good. Life is good, i am blessed every day that i am granted. I live in a state of gratitude and make choices based on love rather than on fear. I see no reason to feel fear as long as i am aware of myself and my surroundings. Every moment is a gift and I am happy for it.
I am truly surrounded by love.
and you are too!
I'm getting carpel tunnel though from this HUGE long and exciting blog post so please excuse me. I'm needed elsewhere!
I LOVE YOU ALL, ALL LOVE YOURSELVES