Mal Pais: Big Wave Dave!!!
13 Apr 2007
|Finally manage to catch my first proper wave today and was totally stoked beyond belief. Inspired by the film Rocky Balboa aka Rocky VI aka ' A box too far' or 'Why the hell are we watching this garbage?' here goes a description of that day:
'Ladies and gentlemen, introducing the main event, the title bout of the day. In the red corner weighing in at 165lbs the challenger from Derby, England, In the blue corner, weighing in at an undisclosed amount, from the Pacific Ocean, the undisputed world Champion, lets hear it for Mr Big Blue, The Lord of the Deep...
[Tod]So Bob what do you make of today's match up?
[Bob]Well Tod EZ versus Big Wave Dave is definetly going to be a Battle Royale indeed, Dave the old experienced bruiser has countless knockouts and submissions, his deadly close-out punch followed by the infamous washing machine cycle has left many an opponent in tears , that is once they've regained consciousness.
[Tod]I hear you Bob, I like EZ, he's a stand up guy but you can help thinking maybe its too much too soon. You gotta look at the facts he's inexperienced, green but you gotta hand it to him as he's the leader here today in the enthusiasm stakes, we'll just see if that will be enough.
Seconds out Round 1!
[Tod]Look at him go, no messing around the challenger is drawing first blood paddling out to the line up duck-diving and turtle-rolling constantly against the torrent of waves Dave is throwing, but i must say the boy is looking comfortable....and he's made it to the line up. The judges are scoring that 2-1 to EZ, good job.
Seconds away Round 2
[Bob]Its been over an hour and the challenger is struggling to make a wave, Dave is dropping some large sets and EZ is looking intimidated and scared...oh and THERE IT IS...Dave sneaked a sneaker set through leaving EZ caught inside with no where to run except back to mama, oh that's gotta hurt as he just gets engulfed by a ton of water and is all washed up back on the shore! That's a big round for Dave taking it to 5-2.
Third and final round, Round 3
[Tod & Bob]EZ is on a fightback back in the lineup paddling for that elusive first wave and just falling short each time or simple just falling or rather crashing spectacularly having caught the wave but not managing to stay on for the ride. One things for sure his clothes are going to be fresh and clean having been given the washing machine treatment countless times by Dave, you gotta feel for the kid.
[Bob or was it Tod]So finally history is made at 11:43am on Friday 13th April 2007 after several gruelling hours taking everything Big Wave has to throw at him EZ paddles into a wave we all know will lead to a life of Boardshorts a lexicon of words such as 'Stoked', 'Gnarly' and 'Hey mate can you pass the sex wax so i can wax my board' is totally innocent amongst guys. He stands up, drops down the face and bottom turns left and rides the wave into the beach, his expression saying it all 'S**T...I'm up!!!'
As the Mastercard advert says:
[Frank]Hostel dorm bed $10...Surfboard Rental $7...Boardshorts $30...Visit to the doctors emergency room $40 (explain later)...
[Bob]Who the heck is Frank?!?!
[Tod]I don't know Bob, but I like his style and delivery...maybe I should work with him?
[Bob]Shut up Tod and get on with it!
[Tod]Sorry...er final bell and there's no wave Big Wave can come back from that one, he's been crushed by the little man 7-5 the final total but I'm sure the points are irrelevant to the young man, didn't he do well Bob?
[Bob]You said it Tod
[Tod]Yeah I know I did Bob...