UNFIT,FAT AND F@RTING! ONE MANS JOURNEY travel blog

On The Way To Todra.....Rubbish Scenery Though....

Emily At Work....

Yes Claire The Hammock Does Work.....Fits Snug In The Truck...

Todra Gorge

Todra Gorge At Its Thinnest Point...

Oasis......

Down Into Dades Gorge..........

Random Shot Of Village On Hill....

Deb And Her Hide And Seek Loving Ways....

Moroccan Highway Storm Water....Note The Coppers In The Background Must Be Traffic...

The Gang Deciding What and How To Cross The Flood...Anyone Know The...

Apparently If You Stare Long Enough At It,It Will Go Away...

Climbed Me A Hill....

Brewing Up While Waiting For The Water To Recede..Note Emily and Emma...

Love A Flash Flood....Its My Favourite Kind Of Flood...

Frisbee Time....

Little Did We KNow That We'd Be Washing In That Colour Water...

Picturesque Breakfast Spot....

Amazing What You Wake Up To When You Find A Bush Camp...

View Of Main Square Marrakech From Hotel Terrace....

Drinks On The Terrace Marrakech....

60 Dirham vodka On The Terrace Overlooking The Square....Marrakech

Marrakech At Night...Lisa and Nicki Take Note.....

Ahhhh Scenery Can't Beat It........

Bush Camp Morocco.....

Up Into The Atlas Mountains We Go...........

High Atlas Housing.........

Marrakech Entertainment....

Mmmmmm,Olives.....

How Bazaar.......

Thats Why Its So Cold......

Lush Green Valley.....Todra

In The Middle Of The Todra Gorge....

Abandoned Village.......Todra...


Well folks a big hearty bonsoir from sunny Marrakech,well its warmer than the last couple of nights we've had traversing the High Atlas Mountains which has involved some long days of driving,bush camping in some of the most scenic places I've ever seen and the dreaded onset of the first dose of the squits for everyone....

When we last spoke,god knows how many days ago that was as I have now fully lost the concept of day,time etc although a few of you would have said thats always been the case....

Anyway after my last update and spiel in Fes about the touts would you believe that on the way back to the truck from the internet place karma struck and myself and fellow truck mate Deb were caught in a double tout trap which I've now come to recognise but at the time both Deb and myself failed to spot until it was too late.It goes like this,the first one comes up and does the "hi how you going" type routine for a few metres which gets stupid twats like myself sucked into replying which then gets them started on where you from etc etc....next thing there mysteriously appears a second person who in this case was a freckly little ginger kid who goes on with his routine of "can I walk with you so I can practice my english" whereupon you sort of think "well he is a little freckly ginger kid in a world of dark haired non freckly types so bugger it why not champ ask me all the inane stupid questions you wish"...So this went on for a few minutes when the little ginger kid said to Deb that the other tout was his brother.Now we should of seen it earlier but this statement made Deb and I look at each other in a "If this ginger kid is the brother of the other tout then they either have some really freaky gene pool going on in this place or they are spinning us a yarn" because the other tout looked more like you'd expect your Moroccan teenage pain in the arse to look and if he was somehow related to the ginger kid then I was separated at birth from my twin Brad Pitt (which for those of you who know me will see what I mean by that and those of you who don't know me well let me just say that Brad didn't get the ugly genes from the separation.....)

Anyway so the little ginger freak and his pain in the arse mate wouldn't leave Deb and I alone and I stupidly made the mistake of telling these conniving little pricks that we were off to do some food shopping which made them go internally beserk at the thought of dragging 2 tourists through places from which they had no chance of making their way out of and would pay anything to find their way back from.

So off we went to find the food markets which would you believe involved us being taken through little alleyways,places where we couldn't get a landmark to recognise when we made our break from them and past alot of the locals who had the grin on their faces from seeing to "gringos" being led a merry dance by the enterprising young scamps of Fes...

Finally after about 15 minutes of walking and of alot of nervous glances and words between me and Deb which usually included the phrase "Bloody hell we're buggered here" and also with Deb being chatted up by the ginger kid which started off the classic role play of Deb and I pretending to be a couple and all that entails.So that finally got the little ginger kiddie to stop asking for her hand in marriage which I found sort of funny being that me,a big ginger kid was pretending to be her partner.Perhaps thats where the ginger kid got the hopes up and thought "well if the big ginger kid can get a good sort like Deb then why not me....."I didn't have the heart to tell him that Deb wasn't really my missus as it would've broken his little ginger heart...

Finally we made the food markets which as I've stated before are fantastic places and one of the highlights for me so far,especially confusing the shit out of the stall holders with my aussie twanged franglais,although I have to say the old french is starting to improve.Well apart from the other day when I confused the shit out of this old bloke in a shop by asking for a tin of condensed milk which no matter how I tried to explain it proved an impossible task but it was pretty funny as he picked up every item in his shop and tried to convince me that it was condensed milk.Even I,in my stupid moments couldn't confuse a jar of honey with a tin of milk but after 15 minutes of going through his shop and me even resorting to holding a tin while making mooing noises and doing milking movements with my hands,the old fella and I called it a day on the hunt for the tin of milk.Well I started to get concerned when he pulled the ladder out and was in the process of climbing it to the top shelf in his shop,so when he was half way up I seized my chance and buggered off out of there which some of you might think a bit harsh but it seemed the right thing to do as he looked like he was heading for the condom section....Maybe my mooing noises and milking hand movements has a different meaning in Morocco?

Sorry digressed again,back to the food markets,the ginger kid and my new missus for the day....I started to gather the fruit and veg for the day which for those of you not accustomed to my food shopping techniques can prove to be a very tedious task, which luckily for Debs and me was proving the case because the cling ons who were still hanging around were starting to get a bit bored and also the fact that Debs did break the little ginger kids heart.We finally managed to lose the little mongrels when in my quest to find sweet potatos I totally confused the stall holder by picking up everything that looked like a potato and enquiring if it was a sweet potato.(I started the quest for the sweet potatos back in Rabat but I just couldn't find the french word for it so again it involved me doing a Marcel Marceau routine with stallholders this time with a potato in my hand which proved a fruitless task....no pun intended!)The bloke at the stall got so confused he called his mate over from the cafe across the way who spoke english who proceeded to help us in naming everything and buying everything and more important he told the little ginger kid and his as long as his arse points towards the ground there will be no way that the other bloke is his brother,to bugger off.Deb and I were so grateful that we even took the bloke up on his offer of a cup of coffee on the terrace of his coffee shop away from the hustle and bustle of the morning medina shoppers.I can't remember the blokes name from the coffee shop but he was a good fella who wasn't helping us for profit but because he was just a good bloke which believe me there has been few and far between occurrences of that so far, apart from the taxis drivers on the visa hunt and the Grand Taxi driver in Rabat who took Deb,Jo,Andrew and I on a beer hunt in the pissing rain then came back picked us up at the supermarket he left us at for an hour,helped us with our shopping back to the truck and charged us the locals fare...

After Deb and I had finished our drinks and got our picture taken(we are tourists you know after all) we attempted to find the truck which we did within about 5 minutes with the obligatory stop at the jewellery stall included(I think deb was taking the partner thing a bit too far...)Safe back in the truck we told our eventful story of our morning and both learnt a valuable lesson in avoiding touts...

So we fled Fes after yet again stocking up on beer and cheap "Safari Wine",which is proving to be the wine of choice amongst the group and headed up into the mountains and to our goal of the Todra gorge.This involved us driving through countryside whcih was pretty bloody amazing to look at with flat plains interspersed with rocky outcrops or sheer cliff faces.Alot of it reminded me of central oz and Mel,who's spent the last few years living out past Alice Springs was grinning like a chesire cat when she saw the scenery.

We bush camped along the way the first night in a giant cedar pine forest and the second night our campsite was surrounded by snow capped mountains on one side and what looked like a lunar landscape when the sun hit it in the morning on the other.Unfortunately in this lovely setting the trots decided to make a guest appearance(not the globe derby version either for you Aussies who know what I mean and to everyone else I mean the shits).There had been random outbursts from members of the group earlier with one of the girls having them from both ends at one stage but I had been lucky enough to avoid anything like that until now.Now to be brutally honest, having the shits in a place where you have to squat over a hole first before you can unload is not the most comfortable of situations to be in especially in the pitch darkness plus the fact that after an evening of them the old underwear looks likes its been in a road accident ie, skidmarks everywhere....

Luckily for me and another of the girls who was afflicted,we stayed in a hotel at the Todra gorge the next day which meant the luxury of actualy sit down toilets and hot showers to ease us through our time of distress.

The Todra gorge is a fantastic place to spend a couple of days,we were situated about half way along the gorge whcih rises about 100-150 metres above you and is only about 50 metres across at the point we were staying.Most of the group went for a hike along the top of the gorge while I just lagged about the truck because in my condition I didn't want to risk crapping myself halfway up the gorge.The group came back amazed by the scenery they'd seen along the way and also managed to scare a berber family to death when they looked out at their vege garden to see 5 westerners coming stumbling through it asking for food....

The next day we headed off for Dades gorge which is not as spectacular as Todra but just as scenic but as has been almost par for the course up to now the rain pissed it down all night which made it a bit of a wet sleep for everyone and an even wetter morning pack up.

We headed off to Marrakech but the rain had made the highway virtually impassable in places which made our journey a bit on the slow side but it did get us to stop in places we wouldn't have and gave us a chance to interact with the locals which involved throwing a frisbee around and brewing up a kettle at one place while the water subsided enough for us to pass, to stopping in a berber village where the little girls gave us all flowers after watching with great mirth while we all tried to go to the toilet without an audience.

We also got stuck behind a couple of accidents which were in themselves a sight to behold,especially the way the police deal with them certainly not in the Norfolk Constabulary way of doing it.At one of the accidents people were turning up in taxis to walk through the scene and at another a fight started up all the while with vehs just forcing their way past the accident site.To think we waste so much time closing a road and putting up diversions etc when a serious accident happens in Norfolk whereas here while they had injured people on the road still and recovery vehs trying to drag the cars off the road the cops where waving cars through even in one case where the cars were being waved under the recovery vehs tow rope as it tried to right a bus....

The delays made us bushcamp in god knows where just off the highway as it was dark and we were unable to find a decent site to pitch tents which resulted in us all sleeping in the truck which was cosy to say the least,even cosier for one lovely lass as she had a bad case of the globe derbies through the night which was made even worse for her as she struggled to get the door to the truck open but after a diet this morning of chips,chocolate and whatever else she could get her hands on she has come back to fighting fitness to the point of trying to find a place tonight to have a drink or 3...They breed them tough in Canada!!

Anyway I've dribbled on again far too long and its time for me to crash on my comfy matress on the floor,this time there is 9 of us crammed into a hotel room so we're certainly getting to know each other whether we want to or not,especially the snorers amongst us of which I happen to be one but as of yet I haven't woken up with all sorts of clothing,rocks,empty beer cans etc that usually gets thrown at me when I'm snoring when camping with the boys back in Oz....

Have alot of photos to download but again the finding of an internet cafe that doesn't run windows 98 is becoming very difficult.....My God my life is hard....

Apologies to everyone out there for the content of the update especially the parents and loved ones of my fellow travellers who must be wondering what the bloody hell is going on during this trip but I can assure you all that we are all in good spirits and apart from the odd case of the squirts we are all in good health...

Adios

Stu



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